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Innocence

The doctors will never tell me
yet I know what is in them
I know their fears
I see their lies
They are afraid of my pain
frightened at it's depth
the intensity of it
I was terrified of it
until it embraced me
Dread as a companion
terror my friend
Horrific visions fuel me
make my heart surge
my brain boil
my life flows out
her life flows in
Inner workings replaced
innocence misplaced
Purity recedes
live flesh decays while alive
dead flesh smiles 


Innocence is formless
Corruption intangible
Innocence beguiles corruption
seduces it into action
Guiltless it is made guilty
blameless it is made to be blamed
virtuous it is made corrupt
Corruption has spawned it's kind
it's new child suckling on it's misery
greedily devouring the nipple
rending the breast into raw flesh
leaving it skinless and bleeding 
gaping chunks of it ripped away
sending corruption into ecstasy
Corruption is reborn to corrupt


Innocence vomits it's own essence
Innocence is so very fragile
Innocence dies so very easily
Innocence was never really there anyway
Corruption told me so



Shadows Do Not Exist

I am in here alone 
Yet the words from my mouth are not mine
they come from what I was
not from what I am
I am only a shadow
Shadows have no language
What I was is curled and afraid
What I am now is suspended in time
there is no day 
there is only darkness
there are no times of light
only brief flashes of hope
They sparkle and taunt me
they flicker and die to torture me
God made light just to wound me
just to torment me with it's absence


How long has it been?
have the mountains crumbled?
have the seas dried?
or has it only been a day?
My nothingness is timeless
it neither marks it's passage
nor does it age


Yet being alone is peaceful
and being alone is maddening
I reek with longing
yet I am content with silence
Sometimes I think to hear death
she seems to scrape at my ears
I hear a faint dragging sound
a timid laughter, trailing off
muffled words I cannot understand
odors of plaster and wood
low songs of melancholy and dust
Death is not amused with me
I am not alive and I am not dead
death does not deal in ambiguities
Death will fix this one some day
but death can only deal with my body
I fool death just like all the rest
it thinks it knows me
it looks into my body's eyes
it whispers into the ears
I am hidden from death
but it will find me one day
Until then I stay in hiding
lurking behind who I was
I remain as a shadow
hiding from the light
for light is death


My true being is incapable of speech
mute, unable to understand others
unable to find the words they seek
I tell them but they refuse to believe
All their knowledge is useless to me
it's dung piled on dung
decay piled on decay
it has no foundation in reality
my reality
One day their eyes will be opened
On that day they will no longer see me
On that day they will realize I am not here
They will understand I have never been here
for shadows are the absence of light
and shadows do not exist